Congratulating yourself

by Lexy, 6 Sept 2023

“When you want something, all the universe conspires to help you achieve it.”

The former quote from Paulo Coelho’s award-winning work, The Alchemist, has stuck with me since I read the novel. I was pointed to it in a time in my life when everything was in flux. At the time, I was still working on my Dissertation Proposal and I was especially uninspired. When I read this story about a man who realizes their purpose on a life journey, I was feeling especially down trodden. I was not feeling my home situation at the time and I felt so uncomfortable doing it. So much so that I moved in January in the midst of beginning my spring semester.

Not to rehash a previous post completely, y’all know how defending my dissertation proposal / my candidacy exam went. Yet another setback. However in spite of my setbacks from my not passing, I made a lot of memories while grieving my perceived shortcomings. I had to repeatedly tell myself that it was okay that I didn’t feel good about what happened with the candidacy exam and truly feel those feelings.

Moving out was my most impulsive move to date, but was so necessary.

Moving out was the best decision that I have made for myself and my mental health. I know that I needed my own space to just be without the guise of my parents or friends. A space where I could be alone, truly alone. A place where I can spread out and be myself. A place where I can host people. A place where I can be happy, grieve, learn, meditate, an everything in between.

In all of this self-determination, I was still feeling down on myself and have been working that out in therapy.

I told myself I needed to rest and have gratitude for all the things that went right!

Being diagnosed with Generalized Anxiety, Major Depressive Disorder, and PTSD, I have had to learn how to celebrate and give gratitude to myself even when the world or circumstances do not. I had to learn this and am still learning how to incorporate it into my life more fully. At the direction of my therapist, I decided to list all of the things that went right in order to not focus on what went wrong:

1. I moved out by myself
2. I produced excellent work for my freelance job.
3. I’ve gone on 3 trips (so far!)
4. My body dysmorphia doesn’t affect me nearly as much as it used to
5. I’m spending a lot of quality time with my friends
6. I started Brazilian Jiu Jitsu (and I love it!)
7. I’m learning how to cook more things
8. I launched my podcast
9. I’m drinking more water
10. I’m incorporating more yoga/mindfulness into my daily routine
    
    September is Suicide Awareness Month.

Focusing on congratulating myself and practicing gratitude has been such an important process for me to participate in for my mental health. Please take the time to take care of your mental health and reach out for help if it feels like everything is too much. Look below for some useful resources for an important month such as this. As always, be well and hope to see you next time 

6 Sept 2023

Alexus Brown
https://lexdalinguist.com/

An approach to social anxiety

How to Overcome Social Anxiety by yourself

By Lirit, June 9, 2023

…For no reason, your heart would be beating faster, your lips trembling, face muscles going out of control and therefore uncontrollably smiling so as to wear a mask of a kindness and positivity, where you completely lose yourself. They don’t see who you truly are, but they see this version of yourself that’s craving for validation and attention, they are seeing something of you that’s not even you. Don’t you hate it? You’d be attempting and trying so hard not to be self aware and to ease muscles and not show them that you have anxiety. This is what goes on in the mind of a person with anxiety, aka, me and millions of others. We hate it, and that’s where we are first wrong. Don’t worry, we’ll go about in detail about this whole issue and how to be freed from anxiety.

Social anxiety occurs when someone is insecure about themselves in a way, that is, if they come up in a social situation, they start being overly self aware of themselves, more than the required limit of doing so. Or, it occurs, because someone is less experienced in communicating, in simple words, they don’t know how to talk and express themselves and their true identity outwards. These are the 2 most common reasons for social anxiety in many people, excluding the people who have other psychological reasons to have it. Fortunately, most of us are psychologically well and yet we have social anxiety. And also, fortunately, it’s under our space of control, therefore, we can help free ourselves from it. Let’s begin from the second reason, because I think it is easier to gain quick experience of social situations by yourself, without “joining clubs” and other shit; as the blog title indicates it, so let’s go:

It’s Only Weird if You Make it Weird – embracing vulnerability

By Emily; https://theuntitledsiblingproject.wordpress.com/

It’s only weird if you make it weird.

Is it, though? Like Actually?

This is a phrase that I mutter to myself at least once a week, as I do many phrases. However this one is unique in that, no matter how many times I beat myself over the head with it, I find it virtually impossible to believe.

I know we typically refrain from using names in this blog, but I feel pretty safe in telling this story because I find it unlikely this person’s potential future race for president is harmed by this anecdote (and if it is, I solemnly promise to edit this post). But remember Paul Bailey? He’s a very iconic sort of person, and was especially iconic to a young impressionable pre-youth group E.

One of my earliest memories of Paul Bailey (you have to use his full name it just doesn’t work otherwise) is when he was joking around with some pals (his oldest brother was there also), and he said “yeah whenever I feel uncomfortable in a given situation, I do absolutely everything in my power to make everyone else in the situation as uncomfortable as possible.” From where I was standing in my corner by the air hockey table not quite feeling up to actually joining this conversation, I gave a weak, horrified laugh, and then pretended to read whatever poster was closest to me.

In retrospect, what I think Paul Bailey meant by “make everyone as uncomfortable as possible” was probably closer along the lines of “exacerbate a weird moment until it crosses the threshold where everyone finds it funny and then suddenly we’re all laughing and no one feels weird.” which, if anyone could do that with aplomb, it’s Paul Bailey. But I didn’t quite grasp that nuance at the time. Instead, I just imagined someone so immune to social anxiety that they would just walk up to a group of people having a good time, pick a person, and happily make prolonged eye contact with them without saying anything.

The State of Loneliness

Reflections on coming to terms with loneliness, by AEJ, first published on her site.

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Loneliness is a difficult emotion because it isn’t just synonymous with isolation. We can feel lonely without being alone. It’s hard to understand why we feel so disconnected when we’re socially active with others. We can have a myriad of friends, but these friends don’t necessarily appease the solitude. It’s frustrating to feel empty when you’re in a room full of people, and you may, as I do, conclude there’s something wrong with you. 

I don’t have many friends, and that’s fine. I’m comfortable with my introversion now, and I don’t think I could handle popularity. I used to like the idea of being close to many people, but that gradually fell out of fashion the older I grew. I keep an intimate group of companions today, which I know and love well, and I don’t think that should ever be a bad thing; grateful doesn’t come close to the way I feel for this amazing company.

Despite the friendship group I’m blessed to have, I don’t always feel like I belong there, and I don’t mean in terms of common interests, and it’s definitely not something to do with how my friends treat or have treated me. I believe, in simple terms, the detachment is my fault. The loneliness I feel is an internal deficit. I’m insecure and uncomfortable sharing myself with others. The former response primarily concerns people I know, and the latter is saved for acquaintances and strangers.

Ever since I was little, I feared rejection from others, and this dread continues to be an issue in adulthood, trying to feel safe in my current relationships is impossible because I assume people will leave me, there is apprehension for them “finding me out”, realising I’m not worthy. I may think my insecurities remain internal, but from an outsiders point of view, I may physically withdraw or incidentally push someone away. Making new friends is hard too, and approaching someone unfamiliar regularly feels pointless because I can never give them my authentic self. I don’t trust people, and I rarely express my opinions, convinced I’ll be ostracised for them. And with all these mental factors considered, loneliness appears.

I don’t think we’re educated enough on loneliness because we often misunderstand it; solitude is not just situational. Loneliness is subjective. We can feel lonely for many reasons and it doesn’t just depend on our physical state or environments. We could be at a party or hanging out with friends and still feel forlorn, we don’t have to be alone to feel lonely, and we shouldn’t feel guilty for experiencing it, either.

I used to feel a lot of shame for my own solitude because with what I had, friendships, a good environment and my youth, the loneliness felt inappropriate. It’s sad to think that even whilst experiencing an emotion, we can trick ourselves into thinking it’s something else entirely because we don’t believe we meet the standard/s to feel it. Well, hitting the bar or not, I do feel lonely, and I’m not afraid to admit that. In going forward, I hope to resolve these feelings for the sake of my current relationships and those I go on to make. After all, the first step in recovery is admitting to your problems.

by AEJ, MindfulPalace.wordpress.com