This writer, who is a mother, shares a personal insight of how difficult it can be to accept and receive real help – especially, when it comes to childcare. The post was first written on her site, Confessions of a Social Anxious Introvert.
I’m trying to accept help. I have done almost everything for my kids from the day they were born. I take them to their activities, I schedule their appointments, I give them reminders, I feed them (or make sure they will be fed), I make sure they have someone to watch them if I’m away, and I keep track of everywhere they need to be and when. So when I lamented to my husband that I didn’t know how I was going to take our son to band camp and make dinner before we needed to be at the church for rehearsal and he offered to take our son, I resisted the urge to say I’d take care of it and took him up on the offer.
You would think accepting help would reduce my stress and anxiety. You would be wrong. Apparently it just made it worse.
Band camp started at 5:00. At 4:20 I reminded my husband that he would need to leave in about 15 minutes (the time I would leave to give a cushion for finding the room in a new building). Twenty minutes later, my son was waiting by the door waiting. No husband. I found him sitting on the toilet. Another few minutes and I’m getting super anxious, so I say “Should I just take him?” Which got an exasperated “Really?!” in response.
I took a deep breath and reined in the response I wanted to give and said “Don’t” and walked out.
When he finally emerged, he said nothing to me and I said nothing to him. As a result of my irritation I forgot to ask my son if he had grabbed a mask. So once they left I had that to worry about too.
Seriously, the anxiety of depending on someone else is more stressful than figuring out how to do it myself because I’m not in control. I hate it. You’d think after knowing me for more than 25 years he would understand that being late is not an option. Maybe he’s trying to ensure I won’t take him up on the offer next time. *sigh*
Confessions of a Social Anxious Introvert, July 26, 2021