Today I’m gonna do something a little bit different. Usually I write when something happens or when I just need to let something out. But today I’m just gonna answer a few questions for myself.
What do I feel like I am missing in my life?
I feel like I’m missing a better connection to myself. Growing up, I never knew how to express anything, and I still haven’t learned. Talking about anything important is hard for me. I never learned how to establish boundaries or anything like that, and it shows. I’m overworked, I don’t do anything in my free time, and I don’t have many hobbies. I’m missing a lot of things, and it’s hard to figure out what can be done about it.
What are some of my long-term and short-term goals?
– buy more furniture and organization things for my room to make it feel like home
– cook more
– learn more on the piano
– Find something I truly enjoy doing
– Move somewhere different
– Try new things
I put try new things as long term goal because it will take some time before I will have enough free time to really do what I want. Currently, I can plan what I might want to try, but I won’t be able to take action because I don’t have the time or the funds.
What are some of my passions? How could I pursue them?
I really enjoy playing music. I miss playing the vibraphone. I plan on buying a digital piano so I can continue learning and hopefully be able to play some of my favorite pieces.
Another thing I enjoy is photography. I get this giddy feeling when I take a pretty picture of the sky. I don’t usually share them, but I think I might try posting them on the photography Instagram page that I created a few years ago.
What are my values? Beliefs?
Values: Self-Respect, Trusting Your Gut, Knowledge, Be True, Loyalty
Beliefs: can’t even lie… I currently have a lot of negative beliefs. I was trying to find something to put down, but none of it I truly believe yet.. so it’s just gonna stay unanswered
What is my purpose in life?
I’m not sure. I struggle a lot with depression and most days I don’t want to do anything. I don’t like the jobs I have, but I can’t figure out what I actually want to do.
I usually feel like I have no purpose. It will take more time before I can really answer this question.
What are some things that I love about myself?
-I love that I am trying. It’s hard most days, but I don’t give up.
-I like that I care about people. It may be a bit too much at times, but I’m working on it.
-I love my tattoos. They help me feel like me. The one nobody knows because I’m too afraid to tell them.
What are some things I would like to change?
-I want to be better at expressing myself. I have a lot problems communicating my thoughts and feelings and it hurts the relationships I have.
-I want to like myself. I can barely tolerate myself most days and I learned that it is really important to like myself. It is a really hard process, but I know I have made progress. I just have a long way to go.
-I want to change how I think about myself. I still think very negatively and it impacts my mood.
What am I looking for in my relationships?
I want to surround myself with people that are okay with themselves. Most people hide things and it’s part of the reason I hide so much; I never feel comfortable enough to share things. If I make friends with someone that is open, I’m more likely to also open up more.
I like being around people that have some similarities, but also some differences. It gets kinda weird if we have too many things in common
I need someone that is okay with talking about mental health. Some people get uncomfortable talking about it, or would rather bottle everything up. I like being able to share how I’m really feeling.
How could I take better care of myself?
-Get at least 7 hours of sleep EVERY night. It’s hard with my work schedule, and I just really suck at staying asleep.
-Eat more and eat healthier
-Exercise more and spend time outside
-Journal daily and be more mindful
I’m glad I did this and I will definitely answer these questions again next year to see how much I’ve changed. For now, all I can do is take one step at a time… even if it’s just baby steps.
24 October, 2021