Reflections on school – demands and judgment

By Prati, a student at school; https://myteendiary.art.blog/

Oct 17, 2021

I want to start my life with a new identity in a new place

As much depressing as it sounds, it’s not. It’s the idea I want to live because I am tired of everything. I want to live in a new country with a new identity where no one knows me, I don’t know anyone.

I am happy but I am sad too. I don’t know any reason but I don’t want to live here. I am tired of all the people, situations in my life. If I want to move out, I have to study for that. My school life was very good, happy but not exciting, I didn’t party, I didn’t bunk any class, I didn’t do anything happening that’s the regret I am keeping but I have high hopes from my college. No one is guaranteeing me that I’ll happy there because I don’t know.

I am not a topper and studious enough to impress my teachers and family nor I am rigid enough to not get affected. I feel some people are busy scoring good, mugging up topics, leaving behind their social life, and impressing their teachers while some backbenchers don’t study enough but do all stupid shit, happening daring things in school to make memories. They have so many memories to tell their younger generation while people including me who initially was a good student still not a topper, then gradually became a backbencher who just sat on the last desk but didn’t have the guts to do anything daring. I did eat lunch during periods, bunk pt periods to gossip in the class, and everything which did make my school life good memorable but not enough?

I don’t have very good friends. A lot of them are selfish and mean. A handful of people who care about me maybe. My parents consider scoring good as the only approval of not being a disappointment and I don’t score good nor do I have any great memories to cherish.. all in all, I want to say is that I have spent my school life good but nothing memorable, my parents are constantly disappointed, friends aren’t that great. I want to move out of this country with the hope to have my dream college life and make a hell of a lot of friends, have thick skin, enjoy my university life.

If you ever follow or like or subscribe to my posts, just know I am so grateful.🌼

18 Oct, 2021

HUGE EMOTIONAL RANT

Why can’t we stop expecting? Why we can’t accept people for who they are rather than expecting the version we want them to be? No one is living to impress us? They are living their lives and we have no right to tell them to live in a way we want them to live? Teachers constantly give lectures and motivation sessions on why we need to study,no one tells us on how to develop interest in studies? For people like me who don’t like studying, how do we gather motivation to study? Why is it always biased? Why teachers discriminate between toppers and mediocre students? Just because someone could mug up chapters in a better way? They become good? They become examples for other students? They become the highlight of school magazine? Only because they could score high percentage!! They become teacher’s favourite students and not others!

Why can’t parents stop being so judgemental all the time? Why can’t parents just accept that their child is a mediocre and there is nothing wrong with that? Why can’t they stop comparing their children with neighbor’s child on the basis of a percentage? Why can’t they just let their child not become a part of this race? A child should stop loving his/her life rather start focusing to score like a topper, then only the child will be eligible for respect? Right?

Why can’t Universities stop keeping so high cut off? I am sick of listening this one line from every single person my life, leggit everyone that, “college cut offs are high* this year the cut off went 100% like seriously. Can’t we just have a system of not disrespecting colleges other than very high ranking? I have heard this too a lot of times that, these colleges are good and other colleges aren’t that great and studying from external has no value. Basically, you are emphasizing that if someone studies from a college other than very popular colleges, he/she should have no respect. Like really??

Relatives don’t care about how we are. They don’t care about how we’re doing but all they care about is how much we scored and will that give them happiness because it’s less than their son or daughter or they’ll envy because we scored more. Parents, all they care about it emphasizing to score marks all school life. A child should forget enjoying school rather just mug up books 24*7. Even if that includes not providing them with television, of no Netflix. Ruin your child’s childhood. Keep judging them for their marks. Fine.

I am sick. Leggit.

I can’t understand why is this academic system so damn competitive.. should we just stop living our lives and be a part of this goddamn competition all the time!

I want to rant so damn much but I am still not comfortable in exposing my privacy so much. Also, I haven’t told anyone about my blogs specifically. Even if anyone knows, they don’t have the link and not gonna lie, I barely get views and not that I care, because i really come here to just drop whatever I feel like writing, schedule them and go. If I start caring about views, I’ll be deleting my blog page for the third time and this time I don’t want to measure the value of what I write in terms of likes or views because who cares if I get no views, or views in single digit.

…I don’t consider myself a good writer, I am not one too. But all I know is writing comforts me more than anything in this whole world. I am too lazy to write too. I know I suck. No human comforts me more than my diary and my blog page. That comfort feeling where you feel you’re heard without any reply and no judgements is just so good to feel. My diary knows me, my blog page partially too. My diary won’t judge me for my mistakes, my blog page won’t because all the posts I have ever read of other bloggers, one thing is common, that people aren’t writing for readers, they are writing for themselves and this makes their respective pages beautiful and I know people won’t judge me for ranting so much. I can’t help. At least I hope no one judges me here like people do in my real life.

Prati, India
https://myteendiary.art.blog/

Author: Workers' Archive

Covering sensitivity at work and beyond on my website: https://samuelaliblog.wordpress.com/

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