Emotional pain & vulnerability and efforts to change consciousness

The cumulative burden of emotional difficulties, vulnerabilities and harm and their life consequences can leave those with emotional disorders vulnerable to being emotionally hurt. Apparently minor events of harm or difficulty can trigger a long history of pain and distress and manifest in reactions that seem disproportionate to the isolated event.

A strong disagreement over text message with a friend, about the actions of a mutually known person, resulted in Miss Wellne, a blogger who writes about her life and reflections, including experiences of borderline personality disorder, punching a wall and responding with multiple messages: “I was full of shame, anxiety, confusion and everyhing in between. I punched the wall, I wrote a bunch of shit to her, that I wasn’t trying to defend him and that I deserve to die because I’m his friend and shit.”

Though she deleted some of her emotional initial outpouring, her friend accused her of responding self-centredly and excessively, both in terms of emotion and content. Miss Wellne reflects: “So yeah, I guess now that I write all of this down I realize it all sounds pretty ridiculous and we’re both acting like preteens or something. But yeah, hello, Borderline. Again, I got so afraid of loosing someone that I drove them away by acting fucking crazy. If I just hadn’t written her like 15 messages after she stopped replying, we’d be all good.”

A “harmless” and “playful” comment made by the brother of blogger, Cherry Northern, that he should eat slower, caused Cherry to feel emotional pain, though he hid his hurt. The incident revived Cherry’s thoughts about moving out and living in isolation and away from scrutiny. He reflected on living with his brother: “I just feel a void within me and I can’t seem to fill it myself. And I hate to admit this, but I’m so robotic during conversations because there’s shit in my head that makes no sense for dinnertime talking. What I provide is minimal listening. I feel so inadequate.”

Cherry reflected: ” I’ve always felt that I’m not built of the toughest material. When I feel hurt, I feel the need to separate myself from human interaction. It’s the only balm that makes sense in the moment.”

The Amethyst Lamb, in a piece on practising gratitude, writes about turning attention to our personal sensations and appreciating small pleasures. She writes: “I want to be able to remember these truths in each moment. To keep them close to my heart. To allow all of this gratitude to flow freely from me always. What a different life that would be.”

Raised consciousness of oneself and moment-by-moment experiences, The Amethyst Lamb, suggests, can help control the triggering of “decades of my personal, unconscious reinforcement of that pattern of thinking”. She writes “…rather than focus on how upset and helpless I feel, I can focus on the fact that I have recognized this, that I am able to change it.

The Amethyst Lamb adds: “I may not feel different, but by following this intention and practicing it again and again, I will be different. Even if it’s hard to notice at first. And after all, what else have I got to do with all this time?” For writer, Emily Hawkins, the difficult first step is to simply slow down.

For Adrianna Carlesimo, her healing from social anxiety difficulties must include social awareness and activism: “If I heal my own social anxiety, on an individual level, I will live a much more peaceful life. My mind, heart, and body will be at ease in a way never before experienced. But what good is that if I’m not using my newfound voice, the voice that I had been suppressing to cope with my anxiety, to support humanity at-large?”

Social anxiety, in the grand scheme of humanity by Adrianna Carlesimo, The 30 Day Social Anxiety Experiment – January 24, 2021

Lost by Miss Wellne, The Life on the Borderline – January 27, 2021

Fresh by Cherry Northern, The Affliction Hunter – January 26, 2021

Practicing Gratitude by The Amethyst Lamb – January 26, 2021

Discontentment and Hurry by Emily Hawkins – January 23, 2021

Author: Workers' Archive

Covering sensitivity at work and beyond on my website: https://samuelaliblog.wordpress.com/

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s

%d bloggers like this: